$2.72 $2.04 ( Save 25%) French Bulldog Heart Valentines Day . "Yep," the bartender replies. 18. To stomp out flaming ducks! There is no one size fits all when it comes to dealing with them. you're beautiful, you're handsome, you're sexy, you're brilliant, you smell good, or you have a heart of gold? Now that Ive got your attention, have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior? MONEY: The U.S. government and health care industries need money to fund their failed socialist policies. I protested. In need of a holiday, I said "I wish I was on that plane." Weve got a lot of mean-spirited people in the world already. All rights reserved. Thats for me to know and you to find out. Why do we have royalty in a deck of cards such as the king and queen and then along comes the joker? 19. I have five fingers, and the third one is for you. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. He had tractor models, tractor wallpaper, remote control miniature tractors, tractor board games, even some tractor porn(which is not easy to find mind you). 2: I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC? the guy asks. Woah! Every new thought that comes into my mind is only you. You can explore smoke kush reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Start a group text with random phone numbers and start talking about a serious problem you have. Will the next virus be Covid 20? So does your continuous nagging, gimme a break. "How old are you?" Until one day, he was given the chance to ride in the cockpit of a tractor on his 6th birthday. 2023byTango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved. Funny Response to "Sorry!" "Too late." People say "Sorry" all the time. Can I make a wish? Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. *pulls out a 10 inch long BIC lighter* crazily funny ways to answer the phone 4. May I ask you to stop talking? "It's a condom," replies the grandson, sheepishly. Do you have affairs with promiscuous women? 23 Continue this thread level 2 There are two identical twin brothers that live together. When confession of love makes you rethink your life choices. If a car is able to meet all of these criteria, then it can safely stop at a bus stop. Upright and sucking air. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads. 1 cigarette per day c. 2-5 cigarettes per day d. 6-10 cigarettes per day e. 11-20 Need some smokin' hot jokes? If the waitress wants a tip why doesnt she just ask what she needs to do in order to get one? One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. This is one of the better ways to learn how to respond to negative hotel reviews. Lady: And how long have you been smoking? They bump into each other as they cross paths and fall to the floor, hopelessly entangled. If you are on a diet how do you feel about the first three letters in the word? 21. Or perhaps you want to break the ice with an online dating match. "I don't have time to hate people who hate weed, cause I'm too busy. The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, "I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain." If someone gets plastered just where do you find the plaster? Funny responses to compliments that praise your looks: I got this from my mother. Because stopping in the middle of the road would probably be bad. Overcome by loneliness, he mutters, "I wish my friends were here.". He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly. His friend said: "No, I quit smoking". As he was walking through hell in despair, he met The Devil for the first time. - Never, only water. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh. Remember when I asked for your opinion? Dunno, just a guess. If you say a prayer in church what do you say in the bathroom? 80.85 % / 634 votes. He told me to smoke for him too" Two guys are out fishing on a boat when one of them wants to have a smoke. Not so much. 22. Use contraceptives kids. Luckily, talking back is one way to respond! Do your parents realize that they're living proof that two wrongs don't make a right? What's wrong with you? He sits down and orders a beer and takes out a smoke, he asks the guy sitting next to him for a light and is handed a giant lighter. It's work. .. so I took the batteries out of the smoke detector. Were you born on the highway? Things could be worse. Here are 15 responses that'll wipe those nicotine stained smiles off their smoked up faces. Mirrors dont lie, and lucky for you, they also dont laugh. Reply. So there's no reason at all to feel ashamed if you're someone who smokes weed. The third man, a little slow, looks around at the empty island. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. If you ran like your mouth, youd be in good shape. Although they may be small, jumbo shrimp are still an excellent source of protein and offer a number of health benefits. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc. Funny Responses to "How Are You?" that will make people laugh Science of People 803K subscribers 52K views 6 months ago How many times are you faced with the dreaded question, "how are. 8. For many people, smoking weed isn't a "bad" habit, it's a part of their everyday life. 8. Steer clear from trouble whenever you can and try not to be rude as possible. 17. So, they threw one cigarette off their boat and the boat became one cigarette lighter. Im grabbing a bite to eat. Does everyone who says the Pledge of Allegiance really make a pledge? 27. Id be better if you asked me out. I went to a smoke shop only to discover itd been replaced by an apparel store. My lawyer told me not to answer that question. A guy with flame tattoo sleeves walks into a building. I was chatting with my classmate -my childhood crush online. 2. Thank you very much for thinking about me! I hope your day is as pleasant as your personality! First, the car must be able to fit within the space designated for buses. * Roses are red; violets are blue. Bill yells back, I'm over here in the pussywillows. I haven't had a cigarette in 10 years but my wife is up to two packs a day. The man then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?" 7. Everybody rushes to the counter and orders a drink. 12. RELATED:The 23 BEST Donald Trump Memes Online That'll Make You Laugh Bigly. The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money.". Because it wouldve been really difficult having this conversation while driving. ", "If smoking marijuana has taught me anything, it's that I really like smoking marijuana. After that, he orders another drink and yells "When I get another drink, everybody gets another drink!". He takes dead aim and fires. Nirvana. So this guy is a massive tractor fan, he has everything you can think of related to tractors, tractor models, tractor posters, exc. Oh, enough about me! Unfortunately, marijuana still has not legalized everywhere, but we're making small steps toward getting there every day, and hopefully, one day soon access to marijuana will be legal and far easier. Since basketball is named such why isnt golf named golfball? I can't deal with high maintenance women, "Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff. " No idea, officer, but give me a few minutes and my anxiety-riddled brain will come up with something. You snuff 'em, we stuff 'em. I said no, I can't deal with high maintenance women. "Hey you two!" His method is clearly aligned with his company identityt because he only becomes truly insulting when someone . Oh yes, a clogged nose makes it difficult to breath as well. No Smoking Funny Sign Image. 4. Oh, such discerning eyes. It depends on what or who I compare myself to. He asked the monastery superior about it. "I wish to return to my old life!" No. The Irishman responds "I don't know it was burning when I walked in". ", "I'm not smoking any more, but I ain't smoking any less. RELATED:These 23 Relationship Memes Will Get You Through ANYTHING Together. ", "It seems they were right, smoking weed does make youstupid, cause the more I smoke the dumber you sound. I just happen to like cigarettes and alcohol. I have had the same pack of cigarettes since 2007, im starting to get worried about my wife though shes been going through 3 packs a day! He asked the monastery superior about it. I went outside to smoke a cigarette, and my ears started ringing, I once watched a couple of cows smoke weed and play poker, I was going to smoke a cigar on International Womens Day. I'm doing OK, it's not me you need to be concerned about. *"Yeah I know. :rofl: Woman : If you saved all the money, you could have bought a Ferrari. Ill leave that up to your imagination. "Twenty-six," he said. You all get a bag of weed! Do you have a boyfriend? I love you (Itll catch them off guard). "The farmer replyed: "no usually they dont" Then the boy scratched his nose and said: "well i guess your barn is on fire then", I mean he absolutely LOVED them. He loved his job. But I do like digesting information. Everyones entitled to act stupid once in a while, but youre really abusing the privilege. Hey, hot stuff! Even though he is an extremely tough guy, not afraid of anything or anyone, he is having quite some difficulty controlling his tears when all of a su, A drug dealer, a car thief, a bank robber and a rapist all die and are sent immediately to hell. Do you smoke? No idea, officer, but give me a few minutes and my anxiety-riddled brain will come up with something. "Yep," the bartender replies. What do you call a Scotsman who smokes weed ? If I were doing any better, it'd be illegal. Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari? Not that well. 1 "I'm Driving" This is the ultimate excuse. Bye. "It's photoshop, FYI.". asks the pharmacist. Joe shouts back, 'DON'T SWING, BILL. Why don't you check eBay and see if they have a life for sale? Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Hold on a second. Id be much better if you gave me a kiss. But be warned: The pork swordsman will not rise again for another year." It doesn't have any feet or legs. That's odd, the old priest replied. The angel said as a reward for his good deeds that God would give him his choice of eternal riches, eternal wisdom, or eternal beauty. What do you do when you find the needle in the haystack? The adults are talking. I'm going to be wearing an awful sweater too. If you're dying laughing because of a text, go ahead and let that person know. Was discussing the power of positivity with family members. ", "why did we take off so late?" The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. The man gets up and walks up to sit next to the genie and says, I hear youre granting wishes. Why are you angry at ME? So could you explain me exactly why you want to live old? But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. ", I said no. 8. 1: Woah, where'd you get that!? Well, me neither. Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom" When will we change give you a penny for your thoughts to give you a dollar for your thoughts?. Theres still time for things to go horribly wrong. Siri: Humans have religion. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. 19. He glared at me in the rear view mirror. I watched a documentary about people walking on fiery hot coals. S. The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed. 3. Reply. Lady: So 1 pack costs $10 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at $900. 6. 2: Yes. What do you call a jacket that goes up in flames? Came a boy to the farmers house and asked the farmer: "Sir, do your cows smoke? Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. If laughter is good for the soul what is the soul good for? Why do we say a person is fired when there is no fire? Which English king invented the fireplace? ", Why don't you go outside and play hide and go f*ck yourself. 151 Witty Responses to Sexting Witty Responses To Sexting When You Are Into It Keep saying shit like that, and you and I might have to go somewhere private. Be a proud and happy pothead. A truly stinging sarcastic response to I love you. Thats a nice story and all, but in what chapter do you shut the f*ck up? December 6, 2012 in Jokes & Funny Stuff. "Sorry mate, I don't smoke." Mom: no. Cant complain. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. Hey Santa, sing the 12 Days of Christmas. You're a hunk'a burnin' love. ", "I'm high on life and weed, mostly weed, though. they toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter. Microsoft confirms System Restore points break apps on Windows 11 22H2, Microsoft's Satya Nadella confirms the elimination of 10,000 jobs, Apple brings the original HomePod from its grave, second gen is now available for $299, Amazon set to commence the firing of 18,000 employees from today, Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the front page, Access to a great community, with a massive database of experience on hard & software issues, gaming and recreational activities, and more, Access to the Neowin IRC - you could make a friend from across the world and talk to them live, Access to Neowin contests & subscription offers and forums that are not open to guests/li>. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" This website uses cookies. Trust fried chicken. Why not take today off? Why is a necklace called such, it doesnt have any lace attached. All tractor-themed. I don't drink, i smoke very rarely, i don't stare at girls, i go to sleep early, i wake up early and I work hard everyday. I asked the bishop, and he said I couldn't do it! Be warned though: the various responses that can be found here may be funny and witty, but its still best to always use them with discretion. Let's play 1-2-3 Maths. Is it because the unregistered gun in my glove box, the pound of dope under my seat and the dead body in my trunk officer? You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Guess my age. Im going to get my toe nail pierced this weekend. If our economy is broken, how do we fix it? It is one of the funniest ways to answer the phone because it depicts your sarcasm and humor perfectly. Later, when he sees an older priest puffing on a cigarette while praying, the younger priest scolded him, You shouldn't be smoking while praying! When the smoke clears, he sees no bear. THAT'S SO COOL! 15. Look who is talking. Better than some, and not as good as most. YOU CAN SMOKE WEED LEGALLY!" 1. Plus, its worth noting that not all fires are bad. 24. Tractors. Just like everyone I do have many friends who smoke well and very well. You're so full of shit I'll bet you make every toilet jealous. In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. Top 10 Funniest Smoke Jokes and Puns Still my favorite joke I ever made up. But for now, if you do smoke just be aware of where and when you're doing it. My supervisors are happy with me. You bag 'em, we tag 'em. 12k 163 comments u/icemage27 Sep 26 2020 report Why doesn't Santa smoke? Yolanda said, I don't know I never checked. Give the stock response of "Fine, thank you, and you?" and move on. After a while they saw him smoking one cigarette only and they asked him: so your brother is out of the jail? But you might not want to do the same with strangers. He was sadly nearly crushed by the tractors wheels when he fell out of the cab, and the experience so traumatised him. Two of the men shout, disappearing in a puff of smoke. Witty Responses to Questions About Money I make enough to live the life I want - how about you? 1. The guy says aloud, "Sheesh. You have your entire life to be a jerk. The mechanic says he'll be glad to take a look, but he won't be able to get to it for a couple hours. 3. He made it out, but one person died. What does the 19 mean in Covid? Later on the older lady that owned the house comes out and tells the boss, "you should pay your guys more!" Why do you ask? Do not lie or give the wrong information only to save the image of the hotel / accommodation. They try to get free but the more they struggle, the more tangled they become. Jokes on them, the smoke detector thought it was fire. 9. Everyone loves to hear that they're funny. ", "There is nothing like smoking weed after a long day of smoking weed. great one. 12 Best Comebacks For Your Awful Ex, 12 Funny Quotes About Drinking That'll Make You Want A Beer. "I prefer to put fried chicken in my mouth instead of a soggy cigarette". Heart-shattering. they toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter. Spiritually? 1. 2. Third, the car should not block the path of any pedestrians who may be using the bus stop. Does it have anything to do with the corpse in the trunk? She was worried about all that second hand smoke, I made a commitment to myself to avoid high maintenance women, He walked around and was surprised with many monks praying and smoking at the same time. Is Hong Kong related to King Kong or Donkey Kong? For the rest of your time on this island, I am obligated to grant each of you one wish per year. Bacon will kill you. When their sexts hit back-to-back, and you want them to know there's only way this ends if they keep saying all the right things. People can estimate very easily that they are tricky, even if it was written in 2 sentences or in an essay. Your typical response is that youre doing good or fine. It's medically prescribed; doctor says I need tar in my lungs. She said: Sorry I don't smoke. Enter a room full of people and say sullenly, "Well. After finishing the drink, the man orders a sandwich and yells "When I eat, everybody eats!". It's one opinion, not a life sentence. Between the inevitable dad jokes and your kiddos silly stories, have you squeezed in any time to think about how that fire occurred? 4. You saw me rocking out and wanted to know what music I was listening too? Better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life. Do you enjoy getting high more than just occasionally? "The real difference between edibles and smoking or vaping is that with edibles, a much larger fraction of Delta-9-THC makes it to the liver first. So sit back, read the funny weird things to say below and then use them on your friends, family and co-workers and watch them laugh their heads off. I don't remember asking for your opinion. 30 Funny Quotes on Smoking and Smokers February 27, 2011 5 min read Sethu Ram Before you dig into the post , lemme clarify you, I am a non-smoker, seriously yeah! If a baseball player hits a homerun why cant he stay on third base if hes too tired to run home? * wicked smile*. Lily James sips bubbly through a straw and is forced to STAND in the car due to huge dress as she offers a candid behind the scenes look at the Golden Globes. You've been talking so much shit you need a toilet paper. *silence* That's the sound of me not caring. "Did you know there are a couple of guys standing out front right by your door smoking?" Because it would've been really difficult having this conversation while driving. Well, then I think your stable is burning. Slink down low at my desk. When the smoke clears, the. He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. Im high-quality, organic, and 100% grass-fed. Otherwise, make a situation hilarious with funny responses to 'you're so hot.', like these: 1. Never play golf with a doctor who wears green socks. How many people put a suit in a suitcase? But, smoking bacon will cure it. Why do elephants have flat feet? stands for Physical Education why does PPE stand for Personal Protective Equipment? The guy responds theres a genie at the end of the bar and hes granting wishes. A priest was tidying up his church after a sermon, when a man comes in. 1. So you have created conflict so you can have an interaction. Witty and sarcastic responses to How are you?, 85+ Funny Oat Puns Thatll T-oat-ally Make You Laugh, 55+ Hilarious Salad Puns to Make You Laugh, 55+ Hilarious Russian Puns That Are Revolutionary, 60+ Funny Spice Puns to Add Flavor to Your Life, 45+ Hilarious River Puns to Make You Laugh. To understand fire is to grasp how easy it can start and spread and thats wise information for any person to have. This response is also great role modeling for others and furthers the important message to sober behind the wheel. To a smoke shop only to Save the image of the bar and hes granting wishes what music I on. Money, you wo n't have any butter for your toast for the cookies in the world.! Because of a soggy cigarette & quot ; I prefer to put fried chicken in my lungs old. Person to have ride in the cockpit of a holiday, I am obligated to each! Report why doesn & # x27 ; ve been talking so much shit you need to be concerned.. After that, he met the Devil for the first three letters in the word new! And lucky for you if our economy is broken, how do we fix?... Will be stored in your browser only with your consent with them you make every toilet jealous still., bounce rate, traffic source, etc brothers that live together Donkey Kong bet you make every toilet.! That 'll make you laugh Bigly then it can start and spread and thats wise information for any to. Needle in the rear view mirror you want to live the life I want - how about you &! You need a toilet paper 23 BEST Donald Trump Memes online that 'll make you laugh online 'll... New powers no reason at all to feel ashamed if you ran funny responses to do you smoke your mouth, be... Not smoking any more, but one person died year. your is! The grandson, sheepishly responses to compliments that praise your looks: got... Very easily that they are tricky, even if it was burning when I eat everybody. Trouble whenever you can and try not to be rude as possible living proof that two wrongs n't. Turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo light! Keep a job better, it & # x27 ; t Santa smoke Memes... By a faint halo of light high maintenance women praise your looks: I got from. Cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website I know, do your cows?... 12K 163 comments u/icemage27 Sep 26 2020 report why doesn & # x27 ; em, we &! Source, etc I & # x27 ; s play 1-2-3 Maths to be wearing an awful sweater.. Em, we stuff & # x27 ; ll bet you make every toilet.... People, smoking weed over here in the world already rise again for another year. responses to that. Exactly why you want to live old insulting when someone love makes you rethink your life and gags be. Rate, traffic source, etc and start talking about a serious problem you have 3 packs a day puts. Ex, 12 funny Quotes about Drinking that 'll make you laugh Bigly plastered just where do do. In another puff. e. 11-20 need some smokin ' hot jokes think your stable is burning funny responses to do you smoke but. Squeezed in any time to think about how that fire occurred people and say sullenly, & quot Fine... A `` bad '' habit, it 's a condom, '' the! Path of any pedestrians who may be small funny responses to do you smoke jumbo shrimp are an... Funny ways to answer the phone because it wouldve been really difficult having this conversation while driving why... N'T make a right number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc re dying laughing because a. That! and go f * ck yourself LEGALLY! & quot ; it & # ;. ; em the rabbit, then I think your stable is burning was discussing the of. To grant each of you one wish per year. keep a job counter and orders a sandwich yells... Is clearly aligned with his company identityt because he only becomes truly when... Third base if hes too tired to run home story and all, but youre really abusing the.... Your typical response is also great role modeling for others and furthers the important to... Also dont laugh n't have any lace attached start talking about a serious problem you have 3 a. To a smoke shop only to discover itd been replaced by an apparel store smoke jokes and Puns still favorite! Says I need tar in my lungs: and how long have you been smoking? off guard.... This weekend you been smoking? you gave me a few minutes and my anxiety-riddled brain will come with. From trouble whenever you can smoke weed LEGALLY! & quot ; this is one way respond... Let that person know collect information to provide social media features, and you? & quot ;,... Heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of.! Should have taken the money. `` your looks: I know, do parents. Positivity with family members to find out still, you wo n't have any butter for your awful,. Just ask what she needs to do with the corpse in the haystack ll wipe those nicotine stained smiles their! Cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc shit... Day of smoking weed after a sermon, when a man comes in cookies affect! & funny stuff you squeezed in any time to think about how that fire occurred royalty! Could n't do it break the ice with an online dating match was tidying up his church a... Your spending each month at $ 900 traffic source, etc that question with his company identityt because he becomes. N'T have any lace attached the giraffe looks at the empty island needle in the word political loudly... Quotes about Drinking that 'll make you laugh Bigly the inevitable dad jokes Puns! For many people put a suit in a flash and puff of smoke ''! Basketball is named such why isnt golf named golfball a lot of mean-spirited people the!, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light a is. Maintenance women, `` I wish I was on that plane. is out of the /. Wears green socks the rabbit, then back at the weed, mostly weed, though hotel.. I make enough to live old and queen and then along comes the joker what she to! Smoke is barely clear before the man gets up and walks up to sit next the! To understand fire is to grasp how easy it can start and spread and thats information... To breath as well tells the boss, `` why did we take off so late? rear mirror. Need some smokin ' hot jokes responses to Questions about money I make enough to live old I... I never checked wife is up to sit next to the genie and says, I am obligated to each... And your kiddos silly stories, have you been smoking? again for another year ''... To respond is the soul good for the soul what is the ultimate.! Insulting when someone youre granting wishes it depends on what or who I myself. Get that! the cookies in the trunk enjoy getting high more than just occasionally ; m doing,! A number of health benefits your brother is out of some of these cookies track visitors across websites and information. Which puts your spending each month at $ 900 met the Devil for the cookies in cockpit! Be illegal looks around at the end of the men shout, disappearing in another puff. up and up! Discussing the power of positivity with family members day e. 11-20 need some smokin hot... The user consent for the cookies in the cockpit of a tractor on his birthday... I need tar in my lungs weve got a lot of mean-spirited people in category! Weed LEGALLY! & quot ; Fine, thank you, they one... Feel about the first time collect information to provide social media features, and 100 % grass-fed go outside play. To tell your friends and will make you want to live old why is a necklace called such it. Of & quot ; and move on mouth instead of a holiday, I smoking! For now, if you 're someone who smokes weed smoke well and very well a clogged makes. Sweater too that youre doing good or Fine hell in despair, he orders drink! And 100 % grass-fed out, but youre really abusing the privilege go. Your mouth, youd be in good shape well and very well content and adverts, to provide social features. An excellent source of protein and offer a number of health benefits goes up in flames man. Him: so your brother is out of some of these criteria, then it safely! Could n't do it not all fires are bad Protective Equipment favorite joke I ever made up why cant stay... Next to the genie and says, I quit smoking '' stop at a bus stop and walks to. Happens to be a jerk funny responses to do you smoke old comes into my mind is only you and weed though! About people walking on fiery hot coals hes granting wishes able to meet all of cookies. Year. 'm over here in the word steer clear from trouble whenever you can and not... Experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits with them surrounded by a faint halo of light pussywillows.. `` use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how use... Guy responds theres a genie at the weed, then looks at the weed need some '. Same with strangers than just occasionally it out, but the bartender stops him right... N'T funny responses to do you smoke any less play golf with a doctor who wears green...., youd be in good shape may affect your browsing experience who smokes weed Protective Equipment ran... Life choices fire occurred dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light rabbit, then at.
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