Farquaad lays in bed with the Magic Mirror set up at the foot of the bed. FIONA: Well, eat up. Among the attendees are the fairytale creatures once banished to the swamp, as well as a few Duloc Guards. She smiles as she turns around to walk up the windmill's steps. Donkey gasps and makes eye contact with Shrek. Ha, ha! Now -- now remove your helmet. Shrek looks back at the laughing crowd and then down at the floor, dejected. Donkey sheepishly smiles and Shrek sighs in annoyance. Fiona's voice is heard although she isn't moving her lips. Me! (Grabs Gorder, but he escapes and lands on his shoulder. FARQUAAD: No, I have a better idea. DONKEY: I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look. Shrek points to her last piece of food. Fiona looks at him in shock, tears welling in her eyes. Good night. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. It was directed by Andrew Adamson and Vicky Jenson in their directorial debuts, and features the voices of Mike Myers . (Walks passed Donkey). A masked man is pouring a glass of milk. I don't give permission to-- hey! -Oh, shut up. Shrek looks past her and spots a group approaching. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. You don't have to waste good manners on the ogre. DONKEY: She wasn't talkin' about you. Shrek jumps off the balcony, grabbing a chain connected to the chandelier. DONKEY: This is gonna be fun! "Shrek" was widely praised by critics and went on to . Chirpy music quietly plays from a set of loudspeakers. Suddenly he hears a far out yell from Shrek. Back! Fiona jumps in front of Shrek, blocking him. I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet. DONKEY: You are mean to me! Doesn't that bother you? Shrek looks at Donkey for a second and then reaches to move the boulder back in front of the entrance. Princess Fiona? Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. Donkey looks scared of Shrek for a moment, but he quickly hides behind him after seeing that the guards have caught up to him. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by Love's first kiss. Just beautiful. The guards either run away or step back. MIRROR: (chuckles nervously) So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. FARQUAAD: This hocus-pocus alters nothing! Please! DONKEY: You know what I think? DONKEY: There's a line, there's a line you gotta wait for. That's bad! Shrek starts pulling down the wall and picks up a large branch. Shrek is wary, while Donkey is downright terrified. (Suggestively raises his eyebrows). After breaking out of the forest, the group arrives onto a small rise where an old, ruined windmill stands. SHREK: That! DONKEY: I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. What happened to you? Take it away! Princess, I've brought you a little something. Donkey looks confused, the joke is once again lost on him. Guards! Dragon lifts Donkey up with her hand. Stop it, both of you. FIONA: I mean, look at him. Get up! Donkey steps through a rotting board, which falls down into the fiery lava below. Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short Farquaad snaps his finger and is lifted off his horse by his guards. DONKEY: Shrek, we can do better than that. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. This is really good. He hears a huge ripping sound and looks over at Fiona, who has torn the bark off of a tree with her bare hands. Suddenly the magic of the spell pulls Fiona away. SHREK: (Sighs) Alright. She tries to sneak away, but a wood plank breaks and she falls down with a crash. I don't have time for this. They dodge a blast of fire from Dragon. SHREK Oh, come on! FIONA: I am (smiling) awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. (he grabs all three mice) What are you doing in my house? FARQUAAD: Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. Calm down! (his nose grows). You and what army? FIONA: Well --yes, actually! You're not supposed to be an ogre! (yanks the wreath off Donkey's head). Really. The sooner we get to Duloc the better. DONKEY: Yeah, I know. Shrek turns, takes note of the princess and walks across the room over to her. I did half the work. You don't need to fear harsh winters when you have central air. DONKEY: I'm gonna take drastic steps. The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? Fiona gets up and sets the eggs down in front of them. Hey! (laughs). I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until -- Hey, no, wait. Nobody move! DONKEY: Shrek! GINGERBREAD MAN: Don't tell him anything! Farquaad gets down on one knee and takes Fiona's hand, pulling her down sharply. FIONA: It's a spell. Thelonius stands nearby, golding a pillow on which rests the two wedding rings. Don't look down. There's so much to do! She reaches down, squeezing Donkey's face. I'm all alonethere's no one here beside me Shrek is getting ready for dinner. They thought they was all of that. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime! A hideous creature! She opens her eyes and roars. Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I have a way. FIONA: But this isn't right! Dragon chases after them, the chain of the chandelier still unraveling. Donkey faints and falls into a pile of leaves. SHREK: Well, there's, um, Gabbythe Smalland Annoying. Not there! Where did you learn that? Hold on now. The crowd cheers and applauds. Can't you see I'm a little busy here? You're gonna tear it off. Shrek hops over a set of ropes that appears to make up a wrestling ring. N--Okay. Three? The guards laugh at the Mirror's joke. FARQUAAD: (he picks up the Gingy's severed legs and plays with them) Run, run, run, as fast as you can. DONKEY: Whoa! Shrek walks back, yanks Fiona's arm. Shrek runs for the cathedral doors but Donkey hurries to get in his way. SHREK: Listen, little donkey. Does that sound good to you? DONKEY: I was hoping this would be a happy ending. Later that night Shrek and Donkey are sitting around a campfire. FIONA: Well then why didn't he come rescue me? Hey! SHREK: Hey! (to her stomach) Can you hear me? How do you do that? She picks it up and looks around, then heads back inside and closes the door. FIONA: Oh! Taken aback, Shrek drops Donkey and begins walking after Fiona. Your flying days are over. Fiona leans over a barrel filled with water, looking at her reflection. Suddenly from out of nowhere, a man swings down and swoops Fiona away. Fiona grabs hold of the arrow and begins to pull. FIONA: And what of my groom-to-be? hey don't do that! Behind her Donkey tumbles his way down the hill. Woo, look at that! No! As the sun sets, she changes into her ogre self. I don't think this is fit for a princess. SHREK: You're crazy. His eyes cross and as he reaches the bottom of the slide, he groans and stumbles off. Keep your legs elevated! Nothing would make--. Everybody loves cakes! Is that about right? DONKEY: Yeah, right, brimstone. OLD WOMAN: Oh, go ahead, little fella. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Not by some ogre and hihihis pet. I'd-- uh, uh(sighs) I'm in trouble. Farquaad stops his horse in front of Fiona. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. Shrek dumps Fiona to the ground unceremoniously and heads to a nearby pond to wash up. Your welcome is officially worn out! DONKEY: Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad? SHREK: You know, she's right. Shrek hears a noise from inside and turns to find the source. FIONA: Excuse me. -This little wooden puppet. SHREK: (Picking up pieces of armor) The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. DONKEY: Oh! DONKEY: I don't even wanna hear it. Farquaad snaps his fingers and is lifted onto his horse by his guard. Take a good look at me, Donkey. DONKEY: (Jumping up and down) Oh! He stands up with a huff. Don't look down. They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! FARQUAAD: Indeed. Fiona screams in terror as Dragon flies over the boiling lava to get them. He bends down over Fiona and she puckers her lips. The church is packed with citizens. The sooner, the better. Cake! FARQUAAD: (stepping forward) That's enough. (he throws away the onion and walks off). You can't catch me. Wake up and smell the pheromones. See that's your half, and this is my half. Shrek turns and removes what little armor is still left attached to him. I could feel it. Donkey, unable to grab on, falls off but Shrek catches him by the tail. -What have you got? DONKEY: All right, all right. A large group of guards stand outside the cathedral on watch. Farquaad proudly tries on his crown. Unfortunately there is a crack in the stone and it hits Shrek right in the groin. SHREK: The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. Shrek walks off. That's it right there. His smile is only met with annoyance, which confuses him. FIONA: "By night one way, by day another. They arrive at the outskirts of a giant volcano and begin to make their way up. Shrek sighs in frustration and then begins pushing his way through the ropes. FIONA: Well that's what they always say and thenthenthen the next thing you know, you're on your back. (bites into Shrek's ear), GORDER: Blah! -Twenty pieces. Well, ok, I ain't gonna lie. Those waiting in line include Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Geppetto who is carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer carrying the Three Little Pigs. DONKEY: You know what else everybody likes? Donkey blushes, causing Fiona to chuckle and Shrek to roll his eyes. SHREK: Come on, Donkey. Shrek and Donkey come out of the field just outside the Duloc parking lot. Now, tell me! DONKEY: --a girl dragon! FIONA: No! Hey, what are you doing? If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause your breath stinks! Shrek climbs up the chain still slung around Dragon's neck. Donkey, there's no we. Then you showed up and bam! SHREK: Donkey, two things, okay? Now come on! Bye-bye. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns. You're right, Donkey. They take off, soaring through the clouds and to Duloc. That's the last thing on my mind. DONKEY: Hey, what's that? DONKEY: I dunno, Shrek. In front of the gate is a series of ropes hung in a maze for crowd control. We see an outhouse and hear the sound of a toilet flushing. ), GORDER: I found some cheese. Oh, no! I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. Two! I'm right here beside ya, okay? DONKEY: Oh, yeah. Now kiss me! All of you, move it! MIRROR: And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! Shrek and Fiona are now joined in matrimony in Shrek's swamp. Hey, wait a minute! THE CAPTAIN: That's it. (chuckling) That'sis that blood? Donkey looks nervous, but Shrek and Fiona give him reassuring looks. Cause I will. He opens the front door and throws the Wolf out. More guards enter carrying an object covered by a sheet. Shrek terrifies the mob with a great frightening roar, his spit extinguishing all the remaining torches. If we need you, I'll whistle. MONSIEUR HOOD: Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! Onions have layers. Well then who was she talking about? Keep on moving. MONSIEUR HOOD: Oh! Donkey, frantic, begins to scamper around hysterically. As they reach the middle of the bridge the fire burns the bridge and it snaps in half. The remaining guards let go of Shrek and Fiona, backing away. SHREK: They'll shave your liver. A few minutes later, Shrek is rolling a large boulder away from the mouth of a cave. He already said it. I'll handle the stairs. Help me! A bluebird flies over to join in her song. You're letting her get away! 65m. The villager waves his torch in Shrek's face. Blue flower, red thorns. DONKEY: Because that's what friends do! Give me another chance! You know, "Grab your torch and pitchforks." DONKEY: Ohh. Turn your head and cough! The sun is just about to set. Waiting in line is Donkey on a leash and his owner. But you can become one. Suddenly it was all clear to Donkey. Three! DONKEY: Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it? Thank you very much! Shrek quietly pushes open the doors, stepping out onto a balcony of large spacious room. FIONA: II don'tthere's something I have to tell you. 3. SHREK: Um, I, uh-- I guess we better move on. Shrek: Alone. total of 15.5ish hours. Donkey dodges the guards as they try to grab him and runs deeper into the forest. The masked man is dunking what looks to be a small person into the glass of milk. I'm a real boy. DONKEY: Okay, okay, I see it now. Shrek wakes up, smells the foods, and takes note of Fiona. Shrek marches through the Duloc Knights, who back away in disgust upon noticing him. FARQUAAD: Oh! No! SHREK: No, no! I'm makin' waffles. I mean we really should get to know each other first, you know, as friends or maybe even pen pals. Oh. But, Shrek? (Smiles). Fairy tale creatures." [Sighs] Guard 1: All right. FARQUAAD: Brave knights! I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. FIONA: Well, yesbut I don't understand. SHREK: That'll do, Donkey. GINGY: Eat me! Donkey and Shrek turn to each other and burst out laughing. Go find you own! DONKEY: No. DONKEY: Man that ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots. Dead broad off the table! Donkey rips a flower off a nearby bush, which happens to be a blue flower with red thorns, and takes off running. Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. Fiona wakes up and looks at him lying on the floor unconscious. Besides, even if I did tell her that, well, you know-- and I'm not sayin' I do, 'cause I don't -- she's a princess, and I'm Shrek tosses the spit aside and trudges away. A big, stupid, ugly ogre!" And I'm not goin' out there by myself. FARQUAAD: Outrageous! Oh! I didn't invite them. The exit's over there! FIONA: But wait, Sir Knight! DONKEY: Ah! The bee, of. FIONA: Shrek! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed! Ogres are not like cakes. FIONA: But I have to be rescued by my true love! The dragon appears to be flattered by Donkey's compliments. You gotta let me stay! I mean, it's late. He continues on. 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