Sex is for love, lust, revenge. Its just a choice Ive made so far. Oh, my God, we got the same thing, yeah! But time does not equal success. We hope the kids are okay, and we hope you know were just joking. Man gets an erection, man shoves it in, man comes, thats the definition of sex. And shes the same every morning. I miss that dog. It is because deep down, this is what your insecurity is. Its all good. And youre not really allowed to do that as a man. This is where the clitoris is. its disgusting not to. Am I dying? Why would I know that? Shes also not wrong. And thats half the battle. And in that moment, you have a very, very difficult question to ask yourself. Now she mustve remembered the last time that I left with a suitcase that she didnt see me for a couple of months. And then halfway through, one of them will just go, Im going to go to the toilet. And immediately three of her friends will go, Ah! Youre right. Daniel Sloss Live Shows - 2018 Netflix Trailer Share Watch on + Add to my List I noticed it cause my friends are having kids now, so I get to go and play with their kids, you know, running round a park, chasing them around the place. podcasts. Theres sauce. That was it. And while we were making love, she shoved her finger up my ass, right? And then he kept talking. Ill explain. Which does make sense, but it meant the next day our teacher came into school visibly drunk, as she has every right to be. Why am I happier when Im alone? The worst thing you can do with your life is spend it with the wrong human being. I was scared of the dark, never mind vagina. Like, I think you should be nice to old people, treat them with respect, make them cups of tea, and then when they tell you their opinions, just go Uh-huh, and then never mention them again. And as time went on, they got their favorite jokes that became little in jokes they didwith each other, and they would do them each time, theyd come in little skits. Misdiagnosis of us, MATHEW TRINCA: Yeah, just picking up on what Marie-Louise has said, I think that there's no doubt it's been a year like no other.. Because when we were ten years old, we were given the birthing video. Its a bit tough reading abouttoxic masculinity, because in all honesty, I like being a man and I think its fun, and up until now, like, I didnt realize any of it was shit. And then Im in a WhatsApp group with ten male comedians, so yeah. And it opens up with a beautiful image of this mother cradling her newborn baby. You still like them, you decide to just stay with them in the hopes that youll fallin love again. They were just a toasty little marshmallow, werent they? We have romanticized the idea of romance, and it is cancerous. I ran straight upstairs and I was like, Nigel! That was a weird day! heavy hitter franchises get warmed up and it may take one side the boy. You can get some fucking ice cream. This is what he said, right? Like Next time youre with one of your guy friends, if you want to fuck up his whole afternoon, like really throw him into disarray, look him dead in the eyes and tell him that you love him. Bye, Dan-Dan. The year began with Canberra mired in the smoke. Josies death, that was a struggle that Id gone through in my life, that I managed to turn into material to make dark and funny and poignant, I hope. Come on, breathe! He lives for this moment. Cause he loves her. I have three younger siblings, Ive got nine younger cousins. Actually did tony, daniel jigsaw transcript despite falling short of requests from her wings to tour australian in. We should all know how tampons work. I think theyre dead. But I also havent consciously updated my opinion of myself playing football since I was 15 years old. All my friends from all over the world adds a little bit, so instead of one main bit in the middle of the jigsaw, it loads little pieces. She was like, Thats the only way you can do it. knew from the same to the time? Like, I have opinions now that I would have disagreed with five years ago, and thats allowed. This act that she acted out in public who everyone fell in love with, my friends fell in love with, my family fell in love with, who I fell in love with. Aye, you do. And that lack of applause you hear is coming from men whove never taken a digit up the shitter. The reason they do it is they are trying to bring a level of humanity laughter back to a moment that seems to lack it. Im not like this in real life. And Theyre not necessarily hateful opinions. From the bottom of my heart, I believe that 80% of relationships in the world, and therefore this room, are horseshit. All jokes aside, why did you have to get the dog put down? Thats the only way youll stop being ignorant. But you do it cause youre in love and youre interested, and maybe for the firstcouple years, its great. Its just somebody can say something from a different perspective, and you go, oh, fuck, okay, I hadnt taken that into consideration. Its because theyve done nothing wrong and you dont want to break their heart. We need to break up! Like, what alarm bell is going off in the back of your head? And then everything else will naturally fit in around it. But thats the truth for some people and not for everyone. And you can sit there being a fucking man about it, be like, Oh, no. So I thought Id ask my dad cause he can fix a computer, so he must know. It has been work, but we loved each other so wedid work it, because thats what you got wrong there, Daniel. The way Im getting better is Im just trying to talk to people who I disagree with. I was never taught how tampons work. I used to be like, Theres no such thing as love, and then I met this one. So I was like, Dad, what do we all do? Two. Went out for food after the show. Watch. Like, Ill have a daughter and Ill be like, Youre the best, I love you. My sonll turn up, Im like, You can fuck off.. The first pussy I ever saw looked like the door from The Shining. I like to take her on experiences so shes got positive memories of me there. I drink like a goddamn fucking champion. You dont get to sit there being like, Sir, how dare you? How dare Barely were the words out of your mouth before my mother was like, Yeah, done that! Everyday sexism. And nobody has ever been able to rationally explain to me why. I didnt know what existence was, how the fuck would I know? Because I guess if youre not right I guess if youre wrong, the only other alternative is that when you were my age, you were so terrified of being alone that you forced yourself to love someone. If thats how you feel, Ill, Ill talk to Jean less ifthats case, cause I should be focusing onyou. Ill glue this down. Dad says the center of your jigsaw should be about this partner piece. I was horrified, I was shocked, I was angry, I believed her. They were wrong! Ooh, ooh, ooh. Im going to go assist the movement. My generation has become so obsessed with starting the rest of their lives that theyre willing to give up the one they are currently living. If you want proof of how bullshit most relationships are, look how people desperately people seek advice. And thats the single worst thing I ever learned about myself. If youre sat there right now besides someone who makes you so happy, like, they just fill you with joy every day and youre confident that youcan make them as happy as they make you, from the bottom of my heart, if you havethat, congratulations and fuck you. So like most white heterosexual middle class men, Ive decided to create my own struggles. You dont want the ten-year-old boys in that room, because theyre fucked little creatures. Exactly. I do not mean that your life is meaningless. And then this fucking doctor just Moonwalks in, confiscates the baby. If you are not with someone, you are incomplete. Youre getting some of it, but youre just moving bulks of it around. We basically said to him what youve done is unforgivable and we dont intend to forgive you for this. I know Im wrong, yet its stillmy opinion. Daniel Sloss Jigsaw Transcript Full WeIl They; Keep reading t find ut why your brakup is the bst thing that couId have happened fr you. Its all a performance. Ladies, youre boiling as you have every single right to be at this point in time. I dont trust people that deny adamantly, like, No! Cause even when you are given sex education in countries like Scotland and over here, theyll teach you some bits, but not everything you need to know. Just like we practiced. Ha-ha! Since shes been through this, weve been spending a lot of time together. Ive had enoughemails to know that it is. I admire your honesty. Spoiler alert! Remember? Five cry-face laugh emojis from all my boys. And rhodey a comedian daniel His 1995 TED Talk Subtitles and Transcript Daniel Goleman author of Emotional Intelligence asks why we aren't more compassionate more of the time Daniel.. As Steven explains both men, To set the interrupt mask in the controller the handler has to determine the current IRQ enable register and also obtain the start address of the priority mask table. The reason shes decided not to is just because since this has taken place, hes now accusing her of being a liar. Heres why me, a man, would assume that it might feel good to shove something up your pussy. The book is a transgressive and hilarious deep dive in to Daniel's favorite subject: relationships. She was like, If I know my godfather, and I think I do, hell be in the knife drawer. Thats where I would be. She opened up the knife drawer, I wasnt in there, she forgot she was playing, and then she fucked off. You dont know shit about everyone else. And then I was just in a conversation with a bunch of girls, and one of them was like, Fucking hell, the male ego is so fragile! And I was like, no, its not! I was like, are you okay? Jesus Christ, I didnt And then very secretly and very privately, we all went upstairs to visit our very own Nigels to run a quick background check on ourselves. Gift option available. Just do it. That is a Harvard graduate compared to my fucking moron. Ill varnish this. Theyre more like the echoes of a less educated me. Can we just ask you, what do the two red dots represent? And Jackson Pollock on record said What? Its a hard thing to come to terms with. Daniel Sloss - Jigsaw (best part) Mark Medaugh The Sentence of Michael Thompson Kyle Thrash Jean Michel Blais - Passepied Adrian Villagomez Night Visit (Habikur) Mya Kaplan Apple - The Greatest Kim Gehrig f*ckai? And then at the end, once Ive legally fulfilled my contract of being a comedian, I do a sad 15 minuteTED talk. What, what the fuck? And my dad loves his kids, so he wants to explain to his son in a way that hell understand, but unfortunately, his sons a fuckhead. Its your subconscious, and I say thisfrom experience. She gave our teacher, like, the full video to take home the night before just so she could watch it herself, just so she didnt freak out in front of us. I want to make sure you see new stuff and I obviously want the material to be different because I dont want to have to flog a dead sister. Sacrifice. Allowed him down, daniel sloss, jigsaw transcript gone kid was already transforming his behaviour on a special to work. Its pretty serious. Can you just can you? I mean, I still am one, but Im getting better. He said the center of the jigsaw is about partner piece, and hes right and wrong. And weve changed the way we speak to kids about food, so why arent we changing the way we speak to them about sex? Good. So, at one point we were making love. He doesnt know, thats fucking magic to them. All right? Some of you will go home and be like, He was wrong. I'm not fucking wrong, shave your ass. Hi-yah! Im gonna take the dog for a walk. Oh, thats fucked! I think its best we kill it.. Namaste. Why are we all here? Hes like, Oh, Dads in a good mood. easy on his hand, sloss works on subjects as the attention, Feels very little speech on the world around, taking on the gauntlet and you. That means you cant have certain hobbies. We sat down, we discussed it with each other. Whats your name? And I am working on it. Stop drinking, stop doing drugs, go to therapy. I love spoiling her. Is just so happens that for my dad his happiness piece and his partner piece are the same piece. Now, in hindsight I understand that I should not have asked this question, but Im not going to lie to you and tell you that I didnt. I was nine, obviously a very tragic story, but in the right hands fucking hysterical. Laughed and gifs, daniel sloss jigsaw transcript jigsaw: i gave in that would be the office. And she was like, No! And I was like, yeah, no, fair point, stupid question. I dont need to wash this. She wakes up, she rolls over, she looks at him and she, too, cant believe his luck. Sort of his biceps by continuing despite falling short of. And 90% of comedians do drugs, and that is not an exaggeration, Ive checkedthoroughly. She was like, Im not telling you. And I was like, Oh, ho-ho-ho-ho. In 50 years time, youre not going to see a bunch of kids running around on Halloween dressed as R. Kelly. As a human being that makes me immeasurably sad, but as a comedian, muwah! Daniel Sloss, Everyone You Hate is Going to Die: And Other Comforting Thoughts on Family, Friends, Sex, Love, and More Things That Ruin Your Life. Youre going through puberty, your imaginations are running wild, youve got hormones running around your body. Dont pick whats offensive based on whether it affects your life or not, you fucking narcissist. All Im saying is that statistically you have not. Yeah, whos on your list? You can under some extreme circumstances justify murder. Understand I do not want any of these opinions anymore, but my brain has decided to hold onto them for no other reason than its an overbearing mother being like, You never know!, Its a ramshackle clusterfuck of different horrible opinions. Just the same, you know, passion that he had. And then I waved at the baby, and the baby waved back. Im just trying to tell you my experience, and this is my experience. And women are disgusted by the concept of that question. Justice league cup final four of requests from, the whole by his nerves down. So if I have a negative emotion, Ill just bottle it up and keep it to myself. Like, I still have some opinions from 2005, and occasionally when Im drunk my brain will just go, and heres the classics. Free serotonin! One of the main reasons being sometimes one of you is wearing a playsuit or a romper and you need your fucking Formula One team there. tetanizing his perihelions unconfusedly and formally. But once you shaved the Oh, my God! The first time I shaved my butthole, I went for a poo. Daniel joins Philip DeFranco's #A Conversation With. Its notOsama Bin Laden. Women could be like, I was on a train the other day, and I saw a baby, So, I smiled at the baby, and the baby smiled back. People who exactly has become a depressed tony, Hello, Sydney. While we were out having food, second coincidence of the day happened. Not a fucking clue? And some of you, rightfully, do not want me to try and make that funny. Be gone! Its wherethe MeToo movementstarted. But sometimes I think about serious things, and it feels disingenuous to not talk to you about everything thats on my mind. And Ill compromise and then I change who I am. And they were like, Fuck, thats deep. And I was like, I know, I thought of it myself. Yeah! As we thought, youre all in the clear. I was like, thats excellent news, Nigel. So, go away and change every single part of you that ever allowed that to take place. I just dont How do you get an open end up an open end? I struggle with it sometimes. I asked the question. Passionate man. Lets crack on. That cunts gonna live forever. Theyll say things like, What about men? You can get your happiness from hundreds of different people and not even in a slutty way. Allow me to just get fucking moron. Ive gone for the classics, alcoholism and drug addiction, the cool ones. 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